You know how they say that when you have a baby, your heart expands? I think that when my daughter was born, my heart expanded to love my mom more, too.
motherhood
Never mind.
Today, I thought we’d take our girl out for hot chocolate. We got dressed and put our shoes on. We locked up the house and went out to the car. She started getting defiant and cranky, so I got defiant and cranky.
We played through this series of events twice today.
But I still wanted hot chocolate, so papa went and got it to-go, and bebe got hers for “napping well.”
I’m really good at this.
Fail like a mother.
I have a journal that was gifted to me when I was pregnant. The concept is that you document everyday motherhood — one happy thought, sentence, sentiment, memory every single day.
It’s a wonderful journal, but when I think about it, I feel like a failure. I miss documenting a lot of days — lately, most days. My go-to entry on days that I forget to journal is, “Oops!” I used that a lot the first year she was born. I just couldn’t keep up. When I got to year two of her life, my stomach sank every time I came across an “Oops!” entry from the year prior.
“What happened that day last year?” I’d think. Did she hit a new milestone? Was she happy that day or fussy? How many teeth did she have?
I still come across those entries. The big gut punches are the days I come across where I’ve missed both years to-date. 2015: Oops! 2016: Oops! I know I’m on track to three-peat some days. Next year, I’ll look back and come across days that I have never journaled. 2017: Oops!
Not journaling makes me feel anxious, regretful, and inadequate, but I also recognize that not journaling probably means I am tired — from reading an extra book at bedtime, from working all day so I feel good, from prepping her lunches for school, from a nightcap that made me fall asleep on the couch (again).
I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not too shabby.
I wear the rompers in this relationship.
Bebe outfit details: similar toddler jean jacket, trapeze dress, toddler vans
Mama outfit details: black jumpsuit, similar strappy heels
This bebe is two years old and has a mind of her own. She has a POV on all things, including how we pronounce words, what we should eat, where we should sit, and more recently, what she should wear. This extends to everything from her pajamas, to her socks, to her panties (#pottytraining), to the bow in her hair.
And to the shoes – THE SHOES. The other day I was breaking down a shoe box for recycling when she dashes over to me and squeals, “Mama, you got me new shoes?!”
I’ve created a monster (and sidekick).
P.S. One of my more humbling sartorial pursuits as of late was this jumpsuit.
Bebe, bare feet, buffalo plaid.
Outfit details: hair bow, romper, elephant (gift)
You’ve seen this romper before. But this face — man, it’s changed.
I went to her closet to pick out her outfit today and saw this romper hanging there. Just for fun, I thought I’d see if it still fits. And it does(ish).
This matters to me because bebe has changed so much since she last wore it. I keep a journal, and as I documented some recent milestones last night, I felt overcome by the fact that she’s not an infant anymore.
That she fits into this wee romper — my little one who’s always been in the 99th percentile for just about everything — means something to me, and it’s that she’s still my baby girl.
Toddlerdom.
Outfit details: hair bows, denim shirt, bermuda shorts, sandals
It’s a funny and bittersweet thing – toddlerdom.
For example:
- When did we go from describing the place she sleeps as a “nursery” to her “room?”
- When did she start having a preference on which shoes she’d like to wear?
- When did she learn that she can decide who to kiss?
I’m – at the same time – so wistful about and grateful for how fast she grows. She confounds me daily, this ridiculous creature who made me a mom.
Lately.
Bebe outfit details: Chloe kids dress, baby Pumas
Mama outfit details: maxi dress
It’s been over 6 months since I last posted. Bebe has grown a lot. A LOT.
How can I even summarize at this point? Try, try, try:
- She walks (she runs)
- She wears a ponytail
- She eats (and eats)
- She pets the dogs
- She dances
- She talks (well, some)
- She has teeth we brush
- She has nails we cut
- She holds my hand
- She has stinky feet
Man, I love this girl.
(Not) problems.
Outfit details: romper, moccasins
Things we are dealing with lately:
- Daylight Savings Time Photo-taking is hard when it’s already dark by the time you get home.
- Feeding Solids I don’t know what to feed bebe, because I basically only eat take-out.
- Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease Why is it called that when it affects your entire body?
These are not real problems. Life is so good and sweet, and we are lucky people.
Real talk.
I’m still on the fence as to whether or not this blog is a good idea.
I left my stressful job in ecommerce at a global tech company one month ago to reassess what is important to me. I recognize that this time off was a wonderful opportunity (#supportivehusband) to figure out life’s next steps, and I found that I really missed working. I want to be with my baby, but I also find it empowering to work outside the home and provide for my family.
Thankfully, I quickly received two job offers. I started my new gig this week, and my hope is that it will be rewarding while still allowing me to be present for my daughter, husband, and our pups.
Balance is hard — my work, friendships, frappuccino habit. All of it.
What the hell does that have to do with what bebe wears? I’m not sure if I can articulate it. I have two photos from the day she was born. It feels like time has flown by — just as everyone warned that it would — and I can’t help but feel that I’ve missed something. This blog is about more than how I dress my baby. I don’t want to miss anything else.
I’m just a new mom trying to wing it with as much finesse as I can muster.
All the feelings.
Outfit details: headband, baby tee, hand-me-down skirt, moccasins, blanket
My baby turned 8 months old this weekend, and it makes me want to cry. The thing about becoming a mama, at least for me, is that everything makes me want to cry now.
I have a lot of feelings about bebe and motherhood — joy, paranoia, optimism, astonishment, love. This. That. All things.
And now she says, “ma-ma. ma-ma, ma-ma.” She has no idea what it means, but it means everything to me.
bebewears 